Hale

Hale is the current Juvie Kingpin after Filler who handed over the title

He was also one first 4 consorts to ever be made.

He was also a pre-daywunner because he joined before the server was officially opened, even before ackro.

He also came up with the idea for endless war on 07/12/2018 https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/431237299137675297/675138102343237642/unknown.png

=Hale 1.0= The most killer killer, killer rowdy and rowdy killer, S rank rfck member with the biggest brain and most potent strats, able to outmaneuvere anyone with her quick wits she stands UNDEFEATED. Currently the most renown (and only) HACKER in NLACakaNM.

Christian Hale
Christian Hale is the first incarnation of Hale and is widely regarded as the lowest tier Hale, because of his charm and good looks, but he had one flaw and that was his receding hairline, in hindsight he should have went to www.forhims.com/affiliate/hale and got half off his first order.

He's canonically married to Vriska Serket who doesn't exist and also reached the legendary 2^64-1 which no one believes but luckily facts and logic are on the side of the truth, during the times just after the negaslime decended he allied himself with pyrope farms, stylised as Pyrop3 F4rms using the numerals of the blind prophets, an elusive and world controlling organisation composed of Seani Pink Whale and Hale with occasional guest appearances by Paradox Crocs and DoopedyShmoople, during his time in pyrop3 f4rms a brutal and bloody war was waged against the other world super power at the time TFAAAPS Casino, run by TFAAAP with two of his friends Baahubilly and Pyro ES Working as staff, this ultimately lead to the destruction of pyrop3 f4rms 1.0 and relocation where a mega project to build a big fucking tree was undertook and would never be finished because shortly after, the servers activity plummeted.

Approaching the end of his wits about his receding hairline he concocted a plan with Jesus Christ who he met on the coast of Assault Flats Beach Resorts after capsizing his boat, with Jesus's help who also turned out to be legendary warlord Sun Tzu and also legendary physicist Albert Einstein they concocted a device that would allow him to go back in time however this would result in total oblivion for him

After looking into a cracked mirror one last time and seeing his wig sit slightly ajar he closed his eyes and told Jesus to push the button, a flash of light and he was gone, as he was being wiped from reality he saw a flash of a face, and then everything went dark.

Grimdark Hale
Grimdark Hale is unaffiliated with all that nonsense despite what the last line would have you believe, he's a ghost and makes funny jokes that may or may not be taken off of children's joke websites, but you wouldn't know that.

He is a ghost activist much like Christian but also supports a ghosts right to !haunt, he isn't as active as Christian Hale but is better for it, when the Ally Of Justice pawndidator left the server for better horizons he bestowed the title on to grimdark as well as transfering all his slime, this lead to Grimdark Hale being the richest staydead

In the post balding timeline he fused with Jesus Christ using 6 legendary crystals known as the tism stones to form into the hackerman, a perfect being capable of hacking into any computer using IP overflows and undeflows as well as reverse router hacking to break into even the most complex security system, his greatest trick is being able to hack into anyones brain as long as they are at a computer, if you're reading this its probably too late.

Later on when Season 2 started up in its unfinished state Jesus decided that he was bored with Hale and so constructed a ploy that would remove his soul, allowing Jesus to keep the body, after selling the soul to Papes for 13 Slimecoin he immedietly took over the server and became crowned king of NLACAKANM

Jesus
Like the unstoppable tide of islam itself Jesus was swift in his takeover immedietly appointing [Hatkid9] as the "Baron of Slices and South Sleezeborough" and claiming that he wanted 5 more for a total of 6, this lead to people submitting applications in droves, the kingdom of NLACAKANM was going to be run through his barons with each baron getting 1-3 Enforcers to enact their will. Despite starting the Barony "King Jesus" Hale has since left the Barony, likely due to not many people actually caring about the whole thing and not paying taxes, and has given the throne to Matpat of Gametheory who then also LEFT and the throne was left with Seani but seani cant run the throne that well (Sorry : so its dead

AU Hale
3 Timeline hops away from our own their exists a desolate wasteland of a timeline, a universe where fortnite was never created, the Grimdark Hale of this universe hopped over to our universe in search of VBUCKS, got 100 and then promptly left in the saddest event ever

TZ Hale
TZ Hale is potentially another AU Hale but they're not called AU Hale so they're not AU Hale, TZ Hale is Grimdark Hale but blue, but is also unaffiliated with Grimdark Hale

Grimbark Hale
56709, this guy is doubly unaffiliated with all the other hales but is only singly unaffiliated with Christian Hale, it is often said that Grimbark Hale is the last thing you see before you die, we tried to get some confirmation of this but all we got was !howl and nothing else.

Young Hale
Young Hale emerged after Christian Hale went back in time, Hale begged Young Hale to go to www.forhims.com/affiliate/hale but Young Hale didn't have a clue what he meant and before he knew it Christian Hale was gone and before he knew it he was left with all of his baggage, with a pokemon tournament to win and a ship to captain he ignored Christians futile request and fulfilled his current obligations before pursuing the perfect head of hair.

It is here that the timelines diverge, in one timeline Young Hale won in the Soul Cup, this is timeline A and it is the timeline that ultimately leads to Christian Hale however in timeline B he loses to crocs in the losers bracket and despite being almost the same size as Paradox Crocs he still fell victim to him for no one could withstand the power of Paradox Crox's "Trans Beam" and in the heat of the most intense pokemon battle ever she was turned Trans.

This ultimately saved her from a life of despair as the estrogen that was being pumped into her system caused the male pattern baldness that she would have suffered to be eliminated but the defeat in the Soul Cup, despite being not her fault was something that would haunt her for the rest of her life if she did not seek redemption.

By the time season 2 hit Young Hale was the first killer and the second to find an Endless Rock after frog which she soonafter dropped, the sparring meta was apparant quickly and whilst the Rowdys took a quick lead it didn't take long for Hale to outpace them using the superior intellect of the killers, co-ordinating with the "pizza bois" to spar 16 people every 10 minutes accruing the killers mountains of slime, but the slime giveth and the slime taketh away and a patch came in that made it so pizzas cant be delivered, this meant that exhaustion couldnt be refilled, and it just so happened that Hale was at 100%. Despite being the most powerful player she was useless and though the killers had equal slime all of the big hitters where offline and so the rowdies swarmed, took over the dojo and trapped Hale and the killers.

For naught though because rowdies cant guard shit for shit and the killers just came online when the rowdies where offline and stormed out pretty non chalantly and proceeded to take over, culling the masseas as they came online with Hale making sure that she maintained a heavy lead eventually having eclipsed even all rowdies combined with slime, it was slowing down and Hale made a pact with the rowdies, she wanted the top guys dead, the top guys wanted her dead so she proposed a deal; "Meet downtown, bring the big guys, you have 3 minutes of invulnerability."

They all chickened out like the gay babies that they are and so she continued on as she was and got the LARGEST kill streak imaginable and as it stands the largest ever obtained, in this universe at least, this kill streak sat at 101 kills before Doopedy Schmoople ended it, abusing the horribly broken mechanics to do so, for revenge Young Hale swapped his tounge with a fake tounge right as Pink Whale was about to raid Witchy's lair, as seen in the hit comic Bustin Makes Me Feel Good, convieniently written by Pink Whale himself, but Hale wasn't going to stop there, she was really angry because Doopedy was super mean and also cheated so she went and stole his soul too!! :O, as pictured in the hit comic Stealing Doopedy's Soul Makes me Feel good'

(The full thread that quickly descends into madness can be read here: https://discordapp.com/channels/431237299137675295/431237299137675297/511982945498824715)

Meanwhile she visited the lab of one Albert Washington, is the fusion of the reincarnated George Washington and Albert Einstein; George Washington was just a simple ooze gardens farmer and Einstein a humble scientist in the slimeoid labs. They met one fateful day in Astatine Heights and fell madly in love, Einstein, having invented the epic technique, fusion decided they should express their love of each other through it. Creating the new lifeform with vast intellectual prowess, good looks and the ability to make rampant societal changes, here she decided that it'd be pretty fucking cool to be amphibious so she got Albert Washington to turn her amphibious which is where she gets her ability to breath underwater.

On her path to kill Doopedy she met a man called Slime Hattori Hanzo who broke his 1000 year promise to never forge another weapon of war and created the most powerful blade known to man, a blade so sharp that if on the path of revenge she met god, god would be cut. Nice job Hattori Hanzo, cool metaphor, symbolizing both the sharpness of the sword and the blindness that revenge casts on you that you would cut down god if he stood in your way. It is almost like that other quote from that other cool ancient dude, "On the path of revenge, pack two suitcases." or something like that.

She kills doopedy, it was cool and then goes back in time and lives out the years inbetween killing doopedy and not killing doopedy as normal so it was basically like she was never gone, pretty cool stuff.

And then after the 50th hale based thermotimenuclear attack happened and the universe soft rebooted Hale decided it was finally time she united the haleverse and so an event known as Hale Instrumentality Begun.

Pyramid Rabbi Ranking
The oft forgotten Pyramid Rabbi is essential to the lore of Hale(She/Her) because whilst most baser people sit at a low 1 to naught at all she occupies the 5th layer which means she has absolute control over her root chakra, this is also the reason she has white hair caused by a state of being known as Blanco the other people who reached this state could all pretty easily revert back to normal but Hale doesn't, I'm sure theirs a lore reason for this but oh well, anyway she's like high level Pyramid Rabbi

Eloping with Doopedy
Killing Doopedy meant nothing because thats not how endless war works, reviving is easy peasy and because of the meddling of THE BIG GAY Doopedy and Hale were married, they didnt actually elope its just that eloping is way more epic than normal ass marriage, its like the epic punk version which is pretty cool if you think about it, Marriage is about the most conformist thing you can do so to run away and engage in non conformation by conformation its like, a paradox, and thusly Paradox Crocs was born and the first words he said was "Eloping is epic and Marriage is bad despite being two sides of the same coin" (maybe canon?)

its like the funny laughing face juxtaposed with the sad not laughing face, it says something about the meaning of life and the ultimate fate of humanity but FUCK

Thanos Hale
Thanos Hale is the AU Parallel Hale from another Paradoxical Gondola entirely, a universe in which Hale and Thanos fused to become Hale Thanos.

After Hale watched the good documentary "Infinity War" she was star struck by Thanos and sought him, when they finally met Hale broke the rules and did a cross gender fusion which was a big funny and made the omniuniverse police very angry but Thanos Hale had all the endless Rocks and basically just killed them all.

Fused Hale
Every Hale from the infinite timelines, the infinite parralel universes, the infinite nega timelines and the quadruple gondolas of spacetime which each contained infinite of the other things as well as themselves all collected in New Anchorage aka france and begun the Hale Instrumentality Project, all collided into one, infinite versions of them poured into one body and an unrestrained amount of universal entropy was released completely soft resetting the airsoft courts and causing field hockey games across the world to be cancelled, wind howled, dogs howled and hale howled as she, he, they or all 3 at once all poured into the same form and outwardly exploded inwards and became a singularity of superimposed Hale's that immedietly trancended TIME and sometimes SPACE but only when they felt like it, they were basically epic and also kind of god but not in name only and actually for real and it was epic and everyone cheered, "Hale! Hale! Hale!" and Retro Gamer Kevin said "Congratulations." and Asuka from germany said "Congratulations" and Ben and Munchy said "Congratulations" and the entire server was all there, clapping for the new Hale fusion, one by one the camera panned and they all said Congratulations at once, the entire scene took about an hour to go by but it was worth it because it was epic.

Hale Sans
Obviously because the fusing of the Haleverse involved the fusion of an infinite number of different Hale's it was inevitable that Sans Hale would be included in the fusion and also also eventually became the predominant force within the Hale Collective because they're obviosuly the most powerful being part sans and all. If your asking how exactly an infinite number of the same person could have one sole answer to the "Most powerful" given the nature of infinity then dont worry, its because fuck you asshole. =Hale 2.0=

Dissolution of the Haleverse
God himself destroyed the Haleverse for a good laugh turning her into a rampant nihlistic atheist

She then started making pony reviews on her youtube channel ThatNihlisticBrony in order to smite god.

=Death 2.0=

Death 1.0
Death 1.0 existed for like a week

Death 2.0 for real
Death 2.0 was the return of death after the GRAND REVEAL that HALE 2.0 aka Hale 1.0.2 was in fact the feared Culture Death all along which everyone probably assumed anyway. I mean really it was kinda obvious.

"""Culture is dead.

I singlehandedly killed it.

Very big muh'

very big 'hahahahhahahahaha.

Fear me.

I've killed hundreds of cultures.""" - Hale 2.0 aka Hale 1.0.2 aka Death 2.0 aka Culture Death

=Hale 3.0=

The Return of the King
During the event known as 9/11 2, two men were enjoying gingerbread lattes in a balcony restaurant, these men were Kirito Japan and the newly resurrected Jesus, yes that Jesus from before, Kirito, being fast as fuck foresaw the plane coming in on the towers minutes before it actually happened and rushed to the edge of the balcony, he looked up and saw the nose of the plane seemingly heading right for them!!. Oh no, their wasnt time to run, and the street below was so far down... he looked to Jesus, "I Love you." Jesus said to Kirito Japan as he grasped his hand, "I know." Kirito said to Jesus as he flung himself off of the balcony pulling Jesus with him, their was no way they could both survive so Kirito used his body as a shield to protect Jesus from the imminent impact. They accelerated and accelerated until terminal velocity was reached and Kiritos body splatted into a mangled corpse whose limbs didnt sit quite right strewn on the pavement.

Jesus looked down in horror, not yet comprehending the sacrifices that had been made to save him.

When it clicked he made a decision, he fused with the corpse of Kirito Japan, bringing him back to life, in one form or another.

With their power combined. The King, was back.

The Dual of Fate
Hale(She/Her) still part sans was a hero to all, and the only living Hale left, but she made a fatal mistake after killing god, she didnt make sure that all of his kin was dead along with him. To Jesus this Hale was one Hale too many and so rentered the city of NLACAKANM to stalk the streets for her presence, he would finish what was started, the fight of God.

Slimernalia had long passed when he found her but the nuclear snow of Little Chernobyl still covered the unplowed streets, Hale(She/Her) turned around and before she could face her killer she was struck down.

The Machinations of Evil
King Jesus left, heartbroken, he was forlorn now, no goal in life no purpose to pursue, his one love kirito japan was dead and their wasn't anything left for him in this world.

So he plotted to destroy it.

He formed an organization called the Blacksmiths Union and got to work to forge a katana so big and so sharp that it could cut the earth in half in one fell swoop, It would take longer than the lifetime of the sun but for this purpose to timespan was too long. And so he got to work.

=Hale 4.0=

During her time as a fucking GHOST hale orbited many figures of GREAT RELEVANCE and practically UNIVERSAL IMPORTANCE. Hale 4.0 will cover those people

John Egbert
John Egbert not to be confused with John Egbert of the same name is a man with a hammer who swears a lot.

H.A.L.E
H.A.L.E not to be confused with Hale is entirely unaffiliated with Hale and existed for about 2 days.

Fuck this, bad character arc, we need to skip Hale 4.0

=Hale 5.0=

In the dead of night a scientist found the corpse of Hale (She/Her), it was of course, completely dead, that didnst stop being a thing or anything but he saw potential and he set to work creating a cyborg chassis to replace the damanged parts, long into the night he worked, week after week, month after work, tirelessly until a perfect being was born. Cyborg Hale. The scientists name was Albert Einstein and he died right after he activated the cyborgs core

Cyborg Hale
Cyborg Hale woke up on a table surrounded by BANG energy (This was before FUCK energy was released) and when she stepped off of the table she knocked over a sea of BANG energy, the floor was covered in bang energy too, all opened and empty, some crumpled. On the table beside her was a scientist who was long dead, next to him was a photograph of his daughter, einstein-chan.

Cyborg Hale left the laboratory, ready to enter the Brave New World that had been made whilst she was dead.

Turns out she'd been dead like a month so basically nothing was different.

Their was trains now though.

The Traincart incident
Due to a incident in a traincart Cyborg Hale died.

Fusing with Syy
Cyborg Hale revived, i mean obviously thats kinda half the game and was told by a greek urn that she must travel east, towards GOD, and so she travelled east but she didnt find God because god didnt exist but she did find Syy who was like Hi and then Syy told Cyborg Hale about his TRAGIC BACKSTORY and then Hale cried robot tears and opened up telling Syy about HER tragic backstory, mostly in the form of greyscale flashbacks. Anyway they fused.

The End of Endless War
After minesweeper was added Syyborg Hales brain fucking EXPLODED on realising the eldritch truth that K1P had valid opinions the entire time and died

=Hale 6.0=

The Epic Return
Hale left NLAcknamn but then came back.

The Tulpamancer
After Red5rainbow revealed the secrets of Tulpamancy to Hale she set to creating an unbeatable cabal of tulpas, consisting of the greatest minds from throughout history.

Brad Pitt


Her first tulpa and right hand man was Brad Pitt, he Is all of Brad Pitts movie roles combined into one character but especially fight club.

Brad Pitt is kind of like the tactician but also the moral support officer and advisor.

In his pre tulpa life brad pitt was responsible for many great acts that shaped history, he single handedly stopped Doopedy Schmoople from killing the Jews (which was bad because they kidnapped Tupac and killed Palestinian children) and also killed the manson family with his friend Leonardo Dicaprio.

He is known for his PEAK ottermode body but he's also very smart which might just be a tulpa trait.

Napoleon
Her second tulpa and leader of the War Council was Napoleon, created after Brad Pitt suggested that they should start creating a council of Tulpas.

Napoleon is the main tactician and planner. He also knows trigonometry so he can fire artillery and stuff. He also speaks french in that broken Corsican way.

In his life he tried taking over the world which is pretty based, more people should do that to be honest. I keep on saying it but no one actually does it and im like wtf, its just like making a post in the nurses office.

Alexander the Great
Alexander the great was created shortly after Napoleon, he and Julius caeser are Napoleons chief advisors he was greek i guess and also took over the world which is pretty based, ALL THE WAY TO INDIA, hell yeah, he was also like, 20, when he finished conquering the world.

Granted the rest of the world was basically a bunch of disparate tribes at that point so like, not that cool but still pretty cool.

Julius Caesar
Dude, Julius Caesar also took over the world, I'm starting to notice a pattern here.

He was the last dictator of the roman republic and is kinda too famous because he wasn't really that cool, like Alexander he was only conquering disparate tribes. It's like england going to africa and point guns at all the spear wielding Zulus and claiming they have the "biggest empire"

It might be true but it isn't right.

Why julius caser as a tulpa then?

Mostly optics really, you try having based god Trajan as your tulpa and people with think its some OC shit.

Peter the Great


Ok so here's the deal with peter the great, he had a really fucking MASSIVE club and he was also russian and he was also a fan of boats, and so he went around to all the ports and all the cool russian buildings and fucking built boats and he was also the emperorer and he use his MASSIVE club to beat the shit out of people who built bad boats and also people he didn't like. He was also like a 7'5" gigachad.

He is the muscle of the tulpa council and the one who is called upon when someone needs to be given a stirn talking too. He also occasionally takes control to rant about palestine, the jews and sometimes israel.

Simon Bolivar


Simon Bolivar is the spanish to english translator of the team, for some reason hale thought it'd be important to have one of those so thats what Simon Bolivar is for.

In his life he killed a lot of spanish people and freed america, he was kind of like george washington but not a pasty rich white boi who ran away all the time but was too cool for all that shit and resolved to unite south america. Unfortunately all of south america said "No thanks" and assasinated him because they're retarded and look where that got you but i mean, it was fun whilst it lasted.

Good job simon bolivar, designated spanish to english translator of the Tulpa Council.

Pancho Villa


Pancho Villa is a rootin tootin shootin cowboy who stood the same way for every photo and had two bandoilers for necklaces, he spent his entire life revolting and making armies from nothing because he was really cool but also spent a lot of time fighting americans.

Pancho Villa single handedly landed the last succesful land invasion on america with a group of like 300 people, then he ran away and let the current mexican government (Who he wasnt a big fan of) get a big PR hit to them, which let Pancho take over mexico, well actually he didnt but he got close.

The Tulpa Council
After the final Tulpa, Pancho Villa, emerged they erected the Tulpa Council inside of Hale's brain

Killing DoopedySchmoople
Hours before Seani and Doopedys fateful duel Hale killed Doopedy and Doopedy rage quit, hale then went back in time completing the stable timeloop hinted at earlier.

Tiny Duck
Tiny Duck is completely unaffiliated with Hale in the same way that most things on this page which say they are unaffiliated with hale are, which is to say totally and absolutely unaffiliated.

Anyway, Tiny Duck is Cool Duck's substantially tinier cousin who is an ardent worshiper of BLAAAP and 3 times superbowl champion.

He's susceptible to most conventional firearms, deathrays, emotional abuse and saline water#

Judge Duck


On the 21st of febuary, in the year of the rat a man known as Da Doc was being retarded, it was up to Da Duck to put him down once and for all, so Tiny Duck assumed the powers of Judge Jury and Executioner and the moniker Judge Duck ready to end a mans whole career.

Da Doc, who is actually just Just A Top Hat was mercilessly judged juried and executed in one single blow but he bitched a bunch and so Judge Duck being the merciful judge that he is let him have a defense attorney, KOFF who was actually an inside job so it was rigged from the start. But actually Judge Duck was a very unbiased judge and actually a based judge.

Tiny Ducks reign of terror
After the judge trial went nowhere Tiny Duck got bored and started trolling retards. His first victim was red5rainbow who he trolled by trading Chandelure's soul for the soul of Notchine.

Tiny duck didn't even give a tiny fuck about the soul of Notchine, or really the soul of Chandelure, he just wanted to troll retards, so he named an umbrella "Chandelures Soul" and traded it with red, to tiny ducks suprise this... actually worked?

Anyway he did the same thing to Gurren for a Coonrat1 fursuit or something but Gurren wasn't the type of retard who could be trolled so easily, well actually tiny duck screwed up by using item id's but whatever.

Tiny Ducks guiding philosophy
When examining man the first point of interest is what keeps them up in the morning, what drives them to keep going despite the entropy that will inevitably destroy them anyway.

For Tiny Duck this drive is to troll retards, not immoral but amoral, as all things are.

You see when Tiny Duck was just a little bit tinier he came up with the now revolutionary "On principle, principle" a theory that exposists the virtue of doing things, any things, and being in the right anyway.

This worldview is inherently postmodern as it rejects the notion of morality that brainlets like to cling to and reinvents it in the form of mans sovereign ego, the ability of man to exert his will and dominance over the world. For example if you are a murderer on principle then you are completely in the right to be a murderer because your willpower alone overcomes any flimsy notion of good or evil, grand theft, pirating things on the internet, all of these heinous acts are now right and just under the wise words of the On Principle, principle.

Anyway this is why when Tiny duck scammed red5rainbow he didn't care for souls or slime or anything, he was just scamming because he could scam, and that made him right.