South Sleezeborough

""Man, this place is old-timey. Not in the wholesome way, but in the WW1 sort of way. Everyone stays cooped up inside their homes. Just walking down the sidewalk I've had several muskey old muskets pointed nervously at me from the windows. These people desperately avoid gang violence. Maybe they've seen some shit go down in the Dojo that has made them this way. Or maybe they're just pussies.""

- Niboe

Channel Description
A dreary and dull burrough for the old and boring. Site of the Dojo.

!Look Message
Dreary townhouses and red brick apartments brush up against the embarrassingly inauthentic approximations exotic architectural styles of this district's ethnic ghettos. In these stereotypical neighborhoods, you get an eclectic view of organized crime from across the world! Boy, aren't you lucky? There are a bunch of these little national enclaves here, but only a few are useful to you in territory control.

South Sleezeborough's a hotspot for legal and illegal immigrants alike. To the residents of South Sleezeborough, it's not about if you're new to the city or not or about what you look like, it's about if you're valuable to one of the many established violent local gangs or not. If you're not? Well, for your sake I hope you are.

Previous !Look Message
Dreary townhouses and red brick apartments brush up against the embarrassingly inauthentic approximations oriental architectural styles of the city’s Chinatown. There, pagodas and dragon gates take up every square inch of land that asian restaurants and law firms don’t. From the streets it’s hard to make out the sky from the tacky lanterns and web of unintelligible business signs.

South Sleezeborough’s residential streets are as boring as can be, but wade through them and you’ll have a fun time ordering popping bubble tea and lemon roll cakes from bakeries and sparing with your buddies at the Dojo.

Dojo
A traditional, modest Dojo, containing all the facilities and armaments necessary for becoming a cold-blooded killing machine. It's rustic wood presentation is accentuated by bamboo and parchment walls that separate the Dojo floor into large tatami-matted sections. Groups of juveniles gather here to increase their viability in combat. These sparring children are overseen by the owner of the Dojo, an elderly master of martial artists, fittingly known as the Dojo Master. He observes you train from a distance, brooding, and lamenting his lost youth.

Previous !Look Text
A modest, easily overlooked building, but containing all the facilities necessary for becoming a killing machine. Bamboo and parchment walls separate the dojo floor into large tatami-matted sections.

History


The Dojo was added on April 12th, 2018, mid-Season 1, as a way for faction members to gain slime, offering an alternative to mining since initially only Juveniles could mine.



After its initial debut, the weapons system and weapon skill statistics were introduced, along with an update to sparring that allowed sparring players wielding the same weapon to "duel" to obtain more slime and increase weapon skill up to mastery level 1. The Dojo also became the place where players could change weapons.

In early season 2, the Dojo took over the meta, with its massive slimegain trumping anything mining could offer. This was because players with more slime gave exponentially more slime to those whom they sparred. This coincided with the discovery of a glitch allowing players in a food area to buy food for someone not in the area. This lead to everyone sitting in the dojo doing nothing 24/7, being sparred by the biggest players and getting fed by the few people in the food court.

When this was patched, the dojo no longer gave slime at all, rendering it useless to spar someone with a different weapon. The dojo was now a minor subzone, used mainly to equip a weapon and potentially sparring up to level one. Rarely does anyone spar higher than that by using someone already at a high rank, and instead opt to use poudrin.

This is the state the dojo is in currently.

Chinatown
Here, pagodas and dragon gates take up every square inch of land that asian restaurants and law firms don't. From the streets it's hard to make out the sky from the tacky lanterns and web of unintelligible business signs. For as far as the eye can see, there are embarrassingly inauthentic approximations of oriental architectural styles. But, you knew all that. So, here's something you may not have known: This whole corner of the district is run by the Triad. Yeah, all of those law firms? Have you ever been inside of one? Of course you haven't, no one has. They're just money laundering fronts and sometimes meeting spots for members to plan out their campaigns against whoever's been tardy with their tribute and who to extort from next. Of course, they provide a level of vigilante justice to the neighborhood too, punishing random acts of lawlessness in favor of their totally reasonable brand of lawlessness. These gangsters are a part of a long, complex history in South Sleezeborough between local weeaboos, immigrant westaboos, and their struggle for supremacy. This thorny issue has even threatened the integrity of the Triad itself, as some members wish to cling unto their traditional way of life and show solidarity with the asianophile weeaboos, while others have grown accustomed to their new cultures and support the westaboos. This question remains unsettled to this day.

Little Italy
Whoa, hold the phone. Cool your jets. This may look like a normal neighborhood with densely packed red brick apartments and an anti-human grid plan, but it ain't. Cut it out with that whole free spirit punk attitude thing you've got going on and back the fuck up and start respecting the shit outta the people who grease the wheels around here. Don't you know that this place is run by the mob? Like, the mafia? Like, the famous Italian-American criminal organization with branches in several large metropolitan areas? Yes, that mafia! And you can bet your bottom dollar they're up to all their old tricks. Their whole byzantine family structure and \u201cbattling for supremacy with rival clans' aesthetic got ported over full-sale. There's like a billion families here all battling over where each other can sell their illegal slime-based liquor that are totally legal but everyone wants to believe they aren't for old times' sake, who they're allowed to offer their "protection" to, and what politicians they have the privilege of whacking. Lots of pizza places 'round here.

Little Tokyo
Ohayo gozaimasu, motherfucker. Here in South Sleezeborough's Little Tokyo, which is just an outdoor shopping center with six parking spaces and even fewer stores located on the corner of a busy intersection, is a branch of the infamous Yazuka. These chivalrous knights of bushido hail from glorious Nippon, and seek to literally prevent culture death. Like, that's genuinely their whole deal. No joke. They're fucking ripped, wear suits and ties that are totally on fleek, are inked head-to-toe in intracate and geneally fucking crazy tattoos, and can kick your ass using psychic powers. I don't even really know what crimes they commit, all I see them do is get drunk in the ramen bars in their shopping center, beat the shit out of each other and passerbys, and go on romantic adventures to kill westerners and other degenerate races. What's not to like? This gang is not to be confused with the Yellow Yakuza, which has way more members.

Cartel Turf
Watch your step pendejo, you are entering what it might look just like a simple shanty town, a modest assortment of short square houses of all kinds of warm colors ripped right out of the bowels of south america, but take a second look, cuz its Los Amontonados' turf, a conglomerate of all the latin drug cartels that ever existed, now reformed into a group of good willed hard workers that fight by fist and gun for the right of the average citizen to snort all the meth their money can buy. The area was built with the thought of reminding their people of the home they left behind in order to fight for what is right and high, but it's also a complex distribution network like no other. Do not fuck with these guys' abuelitas, because they can smuggle cocaine and bullet lead into your soup in seconds, conchatumadre.