Maimridge

""Yo, dude, you been to Maimridge National Park yet bro? What, you haven’t heard of Maimridge before? What are you fucking retarded? Guess I’ll have to spoonfeed you all the info on the LATEST and GREATEST district in this fair city of ours. Just like always you fucking moron.""

- Ackro

!Look Message
In front of you rests the formidable mountain range of Mt. Srxek, known for having freezing temperatures during even the summer months, and for having the highest peaks in the county. Snow falls near the tops of these mountains basically all year ‘round, and as such a community of suicidal winter sport enthusiasts and adventurous explorers have set up shop across the range, establishing lodging and tacky souvenir shops in and around ancient Native American burial grounds, because it’s not like they were using the place anymore. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for the thrill seekers among us, the mountains here are far too steep for anyone to actually ski down without a death wish to attempt them. Seriously, there are just a series of ninety degree drops in some places, and that’s not even to mention the yetis, don’t even get me started on the yetis. Of course, none of this stops the locals, who eagerly careen off the side of cliffs and then take the lift back up for seconds after they revive. If you want to down some cheap instant hot coco before flying off the summit of a fucking mountain, then this district is for you. Maimridge used to be considered part of the outskirts, but recently it has grown enough of a stable population to be considered a real district. Its claim to fame is, of course, the impressive mountains in its borders.

The Summit
This is the highest peak in the county. You can see the entire city from here, large swathes of the outskirts, and of course the eye- searing slime sea. You think you can even make out the light pollution from other settlements on the sea in the distance, but they’re too far away to tell for sure. Intriguing, huh? You should ask a merchant in Vagrant’s Corner just who it is they’re trading with all the time and what their cities are like. Do they have rampant gang violence too? Who am I kidding, of course they do.

Ski Lodges
This cozy community of ski lodges and other warm buildings is the perfect respite from the cold, rugged mountainside. Of course, you can’t let your enemies take advantage of this hospitality, so you gotta stand guard outside and bash their skull in before they can take their shoes off inside. In other words, you’re rejuvenating them first.

Colloid Springs
These natural hot springs can be found throughout Maimridge, both inside and outside a set of cave systems that they occupy halfway up the mountain. You don’t have to be an archaeologist to know that these things were a major attraction, even in the past, judging by the staggering amount of ancient ruins that surround them. It’s not surprising that they’ve ended up as another one of Maimridge’s tourist traps, but there are rumors of patrons taking a dip and not coming back up. Perhaps something sinister lurks within them…

Contest Entry
 is a district added in the 7/17/2020 Streets update, located at the north-most portion of NLACakaNM. The district is bordered by Toxington, Arsonbrook, and Astatine Heights. Maimridge has three streets, initially known as The Summit, Ski Lodges, and Colloid Springs.

The district has a rich history and was first discovered by Marcus T. Srxek, who also discovered a long-dead civilization at the top of the mountain he then named after himself. Srxek then went on to sell every artifact from the civilization and use the money to build a national park with many extreme activities to partake in. As droves of tourists poured in, a small minority were stupider than the rest to get lost in the park, but unfortunately not stupid enough to die in it. These lost tourists eventually formed communities, built cabins, and joined with Srxek himself to develop the region into what would become a full-fledged district. Marcus Srxek is still alive albeit grizzled, still manning the gift shop.

Maimridge was originally created as a contest entry for the DISTRICTS Contest by Ackro, who had absolutely no part in writing this article; instead, this entire article was written from scratch by Huck, including the 7,700 byte collapsible image map at the bottom of the page.

 Full transcript originally written by Ackro  Yo, dude, you been to Maimridge National Park yet bro? What, you haven’t heard of Maimridge before? What are you fucking retarded? Guess I’ll have to spoonfeed you all the info on the LATEST and GREATEST district in this fair city of ours. Just like always you fucking moron.

Maimridge

What was once merely a nuclear winter wasteland out in the frigid north of the Astatine Heights outskirts has now been recognized to support a growing and thriving population of slimebois! As such, the territory was immediately annexed and is now subject to the very same brand of lawlessness that the rest of our 32 districts share. Now isn’t that just better than sex? But, as much as the greater cultural identity of NLACakaNM is certainly epic, I’d be remiss to not explain the rich history of Maimridge and the culture surrounding it.

It all started with a man named Marcus T. Srxek. Born and raised in Astatine Heights, the boy was dissatisfied with simply following the path his parents set out for him. No, he had a dream. He was meant for adventure and discovery, not for scholarships and learning. So by the time he was 18, he hijacked a zeppelin and headed northward. The ride was pretty smooth, until about 30 minutes in where he immediately crashed his blimp into a mountain. But this wasn’t just any mountain, oh no. Unbeknownst to him, Srxek had stumbled upon a giant mass of frozen slime, and even more incredible the ruins of a long-dead civilization built atop it. Struck with awe at the natural beauty of the place, he did what any man would do. He immediately claimed the mountain as his own, entitling it Mt. Srxek.

He then went throught the ruins and looted the place, sold the ancient artifacts for a killing, and used that money to build a tourist trap National Park on the site. After that, he set out to advertise the living shit out of the place, and the unwashed masses bought his scheme hook line and sinker. All he had to do then was man the giftshop and watch the dollars roll in. Truly a cunning businessman.

However, because of the droves of tourists flocking to this deadly mountain, a few would inevitably slip through the cracks, fall through some loose floorboards, fall off the edge of a cliff, etc etc. those who got separated from the pack took residence in the abandoned ruins further down the mountains, occasionally even constructing their own log cabins. This eventually turned into a thriving community of dumbass tourists who were just barely able to cling to life. It soon grew so large it then joined back up with the National Park, the two becoming intertwined as one district. Nevertheless, the main attraction of this district is definitely Maimridge National Park, with all of its various activities, such as...

Skiing

Jump on the ski lift if you wanna get some real action. There are three tracks you can take down the mountain, each with a different difficulty: 1. Nightmare(hard) 2. Hellscape(harder) 3. Deathwish(hardest). Either ride down yourself, or race against your friends to show ‘em who’s boss!

Spelunking

Enter the ancient tombs of Mt. Srxek to solve puzzles and search for hidden treasure. Be careful though! The place is littered with booby traps(stop laughing.), so if you don’t watch your step you could end up as dead as the ones who built these ruins!

Skydiving

Need to find something to do that’s fascinating guaranteed? Take a leap from the window of a floating blimp and taste the clouds! A positively perilous experience, fit only for the biggest thrillseekers. It’s despicably monstrous, but don’t forget to bring a parachute!

And last but not least...

Ice Fishing

Uh... you can fish I guess. Don’t know why you’d want to, there aren’t any good fish here. But you can do it.

Gift Shop

If you’re all tuckered out from all that excitement, take a step back and look through the gift shop, manned by none other than M. T. Srxek himself. The man has gotten pretty out of shape in recent years, no longer the adventurer he once was. But he’s still got it in him to make money, and that’s all that matters. Get all sorts of collectible garbage, like plush dodoslimes, plastic skulls or snowglobes for your apartment, or perhaps some commemorative cosmetics like a hat or a t-shirt. All this and more! There’s also some food if you’re hungry, like their exclusive rotisserie dodoslimes! They’re so tatsy, you’ll hunt them to extinction! 