The Smoker's Cough

=The Smoker's Cough =

The Smoker's Cough is a subzone in Wreckington, added on November 17th during Slimefest 3 Premiere, along with new mines and farming. It is probably located there for proximity to the Rowdy Roughhouse and the Cratersville Mines, to match the Astatine Heights restaurant Red Mobster Seafood, which is close to Cop Killtown and the Toxington Mines. Its is the only place where you can !order [the food items below], which decreases exhaustion in exchange for slimecoin, and !order togo [the food items below], which puts the food in your inventory for twice the slimecoin cost, and you can !use anywhere to get the exhaustion decrease, though it expires in two ingame days.

Channel Description
A quaint hole-in-the-wall vintage diner. The wallpaper may be peeling and the ‘80s paint job might be faded, but you’ll be damned if this place didn’t make an aesthetic stomping grounds for cheapskate juveniles like yourself. All the staff know you by name, they’ve memorized your order, and frankly they love you. You’re like a ninth son to the inbred owner and his many, many wives. It’s a cramped space, only fitting about 20 people maximum. The fluorescent lighting from the ceiling lamps invade every nook and cranny of the cyan and purple diner, even when the natural daylight could easily illuminate it just as well. You think you can see some mold on certain corners of the floor. Oh man, so cool.

Home Fries

 * '''Recovers 10 hunger for 9 slimecoin
 * Alias: Fries
 * !order:: You slam 9 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a home fries. You cram as many overcooked cubes of potato into your oversized maw as possible.You choke painfully on some of the tiny bits that that bypass your attempts at chewing and lodge themselves into your windpipe. You hunger for more.
 * !inspect: A greasy, over salted, crispy pile of miniature potato chunks, ranging from the average cubes to smaller irregularly shaped, condensed bits of pure fried potato skin. With a calorie count well above your recommended daily consumption in just a handful, you could subsist on these preservative riddled species of spud for well over a week and still gain weight. Too bad you can’t stop yourself from guzzling an entire plates worth in 5 minutes. Oops.

Pancakes

 * '''Recovers 40 hunger for 9 slimecoin
 * Alias: flapjacks
 * !order: You slam 9 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a three pancakes. You drench your three flapjacks in a generous helping of maple syrup and slap a stick of butter on top for good measure. It’s a good thing you’ve drowned your pancakes in all this excess shit, or you might have actually tasted them! The soggy, limp fried dough is so much more appetizing when all it’s innate flavor is overrun by pure sugary excess.
 * !inspect: Pancakes are usually a pretty safe bet, no matter where you are. You can’t really mess up a pancake unless you’re specifically trying to burn it. Luckily, the dedicated chefs in the kitchen are doing just that! Thank God, you almost got a good meal in this city.

Chickennwaffles

 * '''Recovers 65 hunger for 11 slimecoin
 * Alias: belgium, cnw
 * !order: You slam 11 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a two chicken strips and a waffle. You promptly seperate the two chicken strips and waffle on to separate plates, quarantining them off completely from one another. You dip the chicken strips into some ketchup and drizzle some syrup onto the waffles, making sure to NEVER combine the two bitter rivals and to cleanse your palette before switching between them. Ah, the life of a picky eater, it’s hard and no one understands.
 * !inspect: Waffles are the perfect test subject. Whether it’s a good waffle or a bad waffle, they’re all going to hover around the same average quality. So, whenever you’re in a new town and you wanna judge the quality of any given breakfast diner, order the waffle and rest easy knowing that even the worst waffle isn’t really that bad. Oh, this waffle? It’s terrible. At least you have two chicken strips that were clearly frozen and only heated up a couple of minutes before you received them. For all of the loss in quality and flavor, you can fuck up microwaving something.

French Toast

 * '''Recovers 40 hunger for 9 slimecoin
 * Alias: toast
 * !order: You slam 9 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a four slices of french toast. You brace untold misery, for your hopes and dreams to be smashed utterly and irreparably, and most importantly to have wasted 12 SlimeCoin on the worst meal of your life. Every hair on your body stands upright, as if preparing for a betrayal fueled stroke. You bite into the toast, and as soon as the sweet pastry touches your tongue you feel as though you finally resonate with the ending of critically acclaimed children’s movie Ratatouille. The bread is fluffy, light, and pleasantly moist, the perfect distribution of cinnamon and nutmeg, mixed with light sprinkles of sugar and vanilla, create a french toast that is sweet but not sickeningly so. You can’t believe you’re saying this, but… it’s perfect! Your compliments to the chef, you guess.
 * !inspect: French toast is the hardest to perfect out of the legendary fried dough trio. Requiring even cursory amounts of knowledge or expertise in the kitchen proves to be too much for the chefs of diners nationwide. And unlike both the pancake and the waffle, there is a huge difference between a good french toast and a bad french toast. There is nothing more euphoric than biting into a fluffy, moist, and sweet piece of good french toast, while conversely there is nothing that invokes the image of pigs greedily eating trash in their trough than the feeling of a sticky glob of undercooked dough slide down your throat from a bad french toast. You really have to be sure that the restaurant you’re ordering french toast knows what they’re doing, or else your night is ruined. Now, take a wild guess if the chefs at the Smoker’s Cough know what they’re doing.

Fried Eggs

 * '''Recovers 30 hunger for 8 slimecoin
 * Alias: eggs
 * !order: You slam 8 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a two sunny side up eggs. You isolate the yolks from your two fried eggs with surgical precision, leaving a clump of egg whites scraps and two perfectly contained yellow bubbles waiting to burst. You salt and pepper them both thoroughly before eating one after another, first chewing on the slightly discolored egg whites and then bursting each egg yolk whole in your mouth and letting the runny, golden goo to coat your insides.
 * !inspect: Sure, you like your egg yolks runny, but given by their snotty, green discoloration, it’s pretty likely these eggs were severely undercooked. Oh well, salmonella here we come!

Eggs Benedict

 * '''Recovers 30 hunger for 9 slimecoin
 * Alias: benedict, benny
 * !order: You slam 9 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a an eggs benedict. Even though you’re pretty sure you know what an eggs benedict is, you aren’t sure you know how to eat it. You pick up the muffin and just take a bite out of it directly, hollandaise sauce and egg yolk coat your nostrils and generally splatters all over your face. Who would eat something like this????
 * !inspect: An English muffin topped off with some ham, a poached egg, and hollandaise sauce. It seems like the sort of food that’d you would enjoy, it’s customizable and leans itself to quirky variants, it’s pretty easy to make, it has an egg on it… still, the food comes across as menacing. It’s thick sauce masks it’s ingredients, what secrets could it be hiding? You guess there’s only one way to find out. Gulp!

Scrambled Eggs

 * '''Recovers 30 hunger for 8 slimecoin
 * Alias: scrambled
 * !order: You slam 8 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a two scrambled eggs. You attempt to strangle your ketchup bottle for the state mandated dollop of ketchup to be adequately mixed into your scrambled egg when tragedy strikes! The bottle is empty! It blasts out specs of ketchup and a funny noise a few times before you throw it against the wall in ballistic anger. You are forced to eat the eggs… plain. DEAR GOD!!!!
 * !inspect: Some scrambled eggs. Come on, you know what scrambled eggs are, right? Do I have to spell out everything for you? Do you want me to stay awake all night and come up with immature jokes and puns for every one of these fucking things? Come on kid, get real.

Western Omelette

 * '''Recovers 50 hunger for 9 slimecoin
 * Alias: omelette
 * !order: You slam 9 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a a western omelette. You pour plenty of hot sauce all over your omelette and shove bite after bite into your slobbering mouth. The heat from the sauce and the bell peppers builds to a breaking point, causing you to blackout. You wake up an indeterminate amount of time later, covered in dried tears and sweat and your abdomen feeling as though you’re pregnant with Satan. You love pain.
 * !inspect: A delicious Denver omelette, stuffed with diced ham, onions, and green peppers. Looks great! Hm? Excuse me? What the fuck is a ‘western omelette’? Do people on the east coast seriously call Denver omelettes that? Are you joking me? You ask anyone on the sensible half of the country what the name of the best omelette is and they’ll bark back the long and storied history of John D. Omelette and his rough-and-tumble youth growing up in the mean streets of the great state of Colorado’s capital. Do they not know what Denver is? Do they think everything past the Appalachians are uncharted wilderness? Man, fuck you guys. We know were New York is, we know where Boston is, we know where Cincinnati is, we know our geography of the east coast like the back of our hand and it’s about time you start memorizing ours. Eat shit.

Orange Juice

 * '''Recovers 10 hunger for 6 slimecoin
 * Alias: oj, juice
 * !order: You slam 6 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a a glass of orange juice. You swish around the decadent, pulpy orange juice in your mouth. This exacerbates your already poor dental hygiene, sending shockwaves of pain through your mouth as the sugary liquid washes up against dozens of cavities all throughout your mouth. But, you don’t care. You’re in heaven.
 * !inspect: A cavity creating, dental decaying, and enamel eroding glass of delicious orange juice. This vibrant citrus drink hits the spot any day of the week, any minute of the day, and every second of your short, pathetic life. Coffee is a myth, water is a joke, soda is piss. #juiceprideworldwide

Milk

 * '''Recovers 10 hunger for 6 slimecoin
 * Alias: cow juice
 * !order: You slam 6 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a a glass of milk. You take a swig of a nice, cold glass of whole milk and your palette is instantly clear of any sugary or syrupy foods you may have been eating. You are left in total cow induced euphoria.
 * !inspect: A simple glass of milk. No more, no less.

Steakneggs

 * '''Recovers 80 hunger for 12 slimecoin
 * Alias: steak
 * !order: You slam 12 SlimeCoin down at the Smoker's Cough for a two steak tips and two sunny side up eggs. You break the yolk of your two fried eggs immediately, letting the yolk run and pool around the steak tips, acting as a dipping sauce. With each mouthwatering bite of juicy, medium rare steak coated in delicious, runny yolk, you reach a higher level of christ consciousness. How does no one else but you do this?
 * !inspect: The only actually filling meal they serve at the diner. Between the two medium rare steak tips and the perfectly cooked sunny side up eggs, you’ve got enough protein in this one meal to grow an extra muscle.