Assault Flats Beach
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"Some time, not that long ago, a man looked at this barren seafront and said, "It's free real estate." Not too long after and it's fully gentrified with an imported beach and 5-star vacation homes and hotels. Cool people call this place "Ass Flats" for short, but the uptights around here don't stand for that. You will be kicked out of any hotel you say it in. If you have enough slime to afford a room in the first place, though, you're definitely one who knows when to hold your tongue for your own good."
— Niboe
Channel Description
Posh beach real estate, recently gentrified and ripe for the vacationing!
!Look Message
Colorfully painted wooden storefronts and towering condominium complexes peer out from the coastline of this scenic beach town. Most of the district is owned by the sprawling luxury resort the district is best known for, as well as virtually the entirety of the actual beach of Assault Flats Beach. Assault Flats Beach is by far one of if not the most expensive districts in the city to live in, due to its complete subjugation by the resort and accompanying security force, it is also the safest district to live in by a long shot. But, as you venture away from the coast you’ll begin to see more of the city’s standard crime rate return. Interestingly, the district is a favorite among archaeologists for its unprecedented density of Jurassic fossils hidden deep underground. Some even say dinosaurs still roam the outskirts of the district to the north, but frankly that just seems ridiculous. I mean, we all know dinosaurs aren’t real.
Previous !look message
The white imported sand of the beach stretches toward the horizon, lapped by gentle waves of slime. Gleaming hotels jut out of the rock formations just off the beachfront.
Subzones
The Resort
The interior is lavishly decorated with all manner of tropically-inspired furnishings, all beautifully maintained with nary a speck of grime staining it's pristine off-white walls. Exotic potted plants and natural lighting fill the hallways, which all smell like the inside of a women's body wash bottle. Palm trees seemingly occupy half of the outside land on the complex, averaging about 2 feet apart from one another at most to your calculations. Imported red sand of the beach stretches toward the horizon, lapped by gentle waves of slime. Couples enjoy slima coladas and tanning by the slime pool. This place fucking disgusts you. Is- is that a stegosaurus in the distance?
| Food Name | Slime Cost | Hunger Value |
|---|---|---|
| Slimacoloda | 300 | 27 |
| Shrimp Cocktail | 1800 | 180 |
| Sparkling Water | 100 | 9 |
| Dire Apple FRICK Energy | 10 | 10 |
Streets
Paradise Slums
It's an adorable beachtown which has long ago slid into decay. The further you get from the coast, the more homelessness and vandalism run rampant. The only thing left to remind you that you're on vacation are the palm trees.
Beachfront Properties
This stretch of beach is probably the only part of the city you could actually consider kind of pretty. It's almost entirely privately owned by the resort, which has gobbled up most of the valuable coastline to either develop or charge access to, but some luxury condominiums have been built here and there. These condominiums are subject to frequent raiding by S.W.A.T. teams to make sure the peace is kept.
Cool Shit To Know
Wiley Man
From The Slime Times article “Assault Beach Flats” by Neo Gaylord Nelson
assault beach flats is a section of slime city unlike any other where COPS exist but only in swat form because assault beach flats isn’t called that for nothing every flat on the beach is under constant assault every window a rappelling gun nut whos ready to bust crime BUT WHY you might ask. well the answer comes in the form of the wiely man WHO IS the WIELY MAN well its a mystery but he's rumored to be the founder of slime city aka neo milwaukee or some hidden crimelord of a faction even more deadly than rowdies or killers and shrouded in mystery. in the echoing throughout assault beach flats we hear the cries of officers demanding to know WHERE IS WILEY WHERE IS HE GOD DAMMIT for now we don’t know but like any good tabloid we have our crack team of investigators on the case cracking cases and minds all the time stay tuned.
Juvie Slimer Park
By Coinhoarder
"While Assaults Flats Beach Resort is considered a luxurious tourist trap in Neo Milwaukee, there's a wonderous cheap spot you can nab at the tail end of its shores. The experiences on the shoreline are the same barring the pompous rich and fun attractions people rush from the beach to like waves rushing to the sand. However, these are not the reasons I take an eye to such a place in this report. No, for these waters are drenched with LORE and reasons for abandonment by the big suits.
10 years ago, a tycoon by the name of Timmy Tuckin was on the rise selling out in the production business. He was making mad moolah off of slime snacks and headed a big company back in the day called GoopyCo. It was one of the only companies competing with Slimecorp brands. After careful consideration and grown confidence in his business measures, Timmy Tuckin in the flip of a day decided to take a dive into the amusement park business, pioneering a slimed-water park on the one big spot not currently snatched up by Slimecorp: the edge of Assaults Flats. Ideally, the park would be like any other waterpark, except it'd have doses of real waves mixed with slime. Giving newborn juvies more comfort with slime portions, some fun swimming around in slime, and an aesthetic view of the beach.
In a year the park was ready to release for juvies of any young depiction. It was called 'Juvie Slimer Park', boasting a cockamamie price of 250 slime coin per juvie and a few funny looking rides. None the less, a far stretch of juvies howled in reverence of a water park near the beautiful ocean. Opening day came on the 11th of July, with all juvies rushing in to gaze upon a cool new water park.
However, in only an hour the place spiraled out of control and into child carnage incarnate. Starting with slime balling juvies who grew immediately intoxicated with the slime mixture, leading into blood bath with juvies using anything they could at their disposal to burn and eviscerate others. All their motives were driven for the slime by that point, they lost complete and utter control. Reporters showed to the scene in an hour and caught footage of 2 viral visuals: Timmy Tuckin being ripped in half by a mob of lustful children, and juvies ripping the place to shreds while pissing and shit flinging at each others booming "EXCLAMATION POINT SLIME".
The park was immediately slammed into the fucking ground by the press. Even though there are rumors that there were some heavy drugs latent in the slime produce, and reports of the kids say they had a really fun time. All of it didn't matter to the parents who were in such exasperated dismay exceeding they exceeded the shitting had in the park. GoopyCo lost Tim in the process and soon after was bought by SlimeCorp. Making Timmy Tuckins Final Destination and manifestation as death by fucking juvies.
For years the property of the waterpark then decayed as no one wanted to touch the place with its immense smell of piss and bad history. Now it's a silent relic scene that's half-drowned by sea. I don't think GoopyCo would have honestly made it much longer with SlimeCorp, but this choice to make a waterpark like this stands the test of time for being one hell of a silly dumb move. At least people have a nice cheap spot if you get over the piss smell." - Jorden Yorden, fake journalist from Vagrants Corner scraping by with lore walls.
Gallery
Credits
The Slime Times writer Neo Gaylord Nelson https://ew.krakissi.net/news/?s=1540231795 LunchRoomieBot https://rfck.booru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=1579
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