Farming
Farming is an afk way to gain slime, available only to PURE HEARTED JUVENILES. There are 3 farms around the city: Juvie's Row Farms, Arsonbrook Farms, and Ooze Gardens Farms. There, you can plant poudrins/crops to grow a plant and, after an hour or so, !reap the rewards: slime & more farming crops. The amount of each varies according to your SKILL.
You can also attempt to !harvest the rewards, if you dare such a thing. Such a TRESPASS. An action of that calibre? By a mere Juvenile Delinquent? Not yet even a Rowdy Fuckers Cop Killers? Its only spoken of in secret among top scholars of gooncology, but, they say that a !h*rvest can only be performed under discrete conditions. And doing so without fulfilling each one could end your LIFE. Could end your REAL LIFE. End as in you can't even !maxrevive :scream: :scream_cat: :MAXREVIVE: :slimegun:
How 2 Farm
A crop's growth goes through 5 phases, the first 4 of which are 15minutes long & the last one is 10minutes (total of 1 hour 30). With the mutation Green Fingers the first 4 are 13.333 and the last one is 6.666666 (they add up to 1 hour (thank phoebus)).
When you first !sow, it starts at phase 0. Depending on what you plant, the crop will start off with a different base-amount of slime (note that Farming crops are all interchangeable in this regard). Options include:
Crop | base slime |
---|---|
Slime poudrin | 200,000 |
A farm crop (any) | 100,000 |
A scalp | 25,000 |
For each phase 1 through 4, the crop is newly assigned a random farm action it wants you to do. There are 3 farm actions: !irrigate, !pesticide, and !fertilize. When using the command !checkfarm, the game will imply which one to do -if any.
If you do the correct farm action, the crop will gain 50,000 slime
-then, !checkfarm will display messages appraising the crop's growth (an indicator of its slime).
If you do the wrong one, the crop will lose 25,000 slime
-incidentally, when the message from !checkfarm isn't telling you to do anything, any farm action is wrong. You can repeat wrong farm actions endlessly, but your crop's slime cannot go lower than 0 (to the crowd's lament!).
slime | < | Your SLIME | < | slime |
---|---|---|---|---|
000,000 | "Your crop looks frail and weak." | 100,000 | ||
100,000 | "Your crop looks small and generally unremarkable." | 175,000 | ||
175,000 | "Your crop seems to be growing well." | 250,000 | ||
250,000 | "Your crop looks powerful and bursting with nutrients." | big,num |
When phase 5 rolls around, you can now !reap.
If you wait longer than 2 days since initial !sow, then the crop "expires" and you get nothing when you !reap it. You can bypass this via the mutation Monplanto to ignore expiry altogether.
Various thing can multiply the slime you get. Here they are, and these all multiply off the crop's slime at the final phase, established prior:
Multiplier | From | How to activate |
---|---|---|
0.25 | Juvie's row | Be farming in Juvie's row farms. Confused? Take a !look next time you visit |
1.5 | Tool | Equip a Hoe. You can buy them in Ooze gardens farms, or steal one from a chest. In juvies row, try !chest search hoe |
1.2 | Mutation | Have the mutation Green Fingers. |
2 | Gang-control | If you are gang-affiliated, then having the district controlled by your gang doubles your !reap slime |
Crops and Milling
Crops
You'll get several of these when you !reap. If you !sow a slime poudrin, what you get is random. If you !sow a farm crop, you're guaranteed to get it again. If you !sow a scalp, you will only get evil studs.
Normal crops / evil studs award 3. Metallic crops award only 2.
If you have a pitchfork equipped when you !reap, you will get double the number of crops.
Normal farm crops:
- Black Limes - The sour juice squeezed from just one of these small dark grey limes can flavor an entire production of Warheads hard candy.
- Blood Cabbages - The dripping mass of dark crimson leaves have become the staple special effects tool for aspiration amateur filmmakers in the city for it’s an uncanny resemblance to human blood.
- Brightshade - The dangerously toxic chemicals that cover the flower bud burn your eyes and nose.
- Dankwheat - The damp barley milled from this moist wheat causes hallucinations and intoxication once digested fully.
- Dire Apples - The vicious acidity from the cyan and orange apples makes your mouth contort in pain with every bite.
- Joybeans - The sugary candy-like beans have a thick gel interior that rots your teeth.
- Pawpaws - An American classic.
- Phosphorpoppies - The vivid and unnatural colors of this plant reveal it’s man-made origin. Some say SlimeCorp designed the plant’s addictive and anxiety/paranoia-inducing nature to keep juveniles weak and disenfranchised.
- Pink Rowdishes - The sweet-smelling tubers stain your hands pink.
- Poke-Tubers - The lame, sad, lumpy roots barely support a bulbous crop that’s indiscernible taste is not complemented by its awkward texture.
- Pulp Gourds - The easily malleable gourds form indents from even your lightest touch.
- Purple Killiflower - The deep purple head has an extremely bitter aftertaste.
- Razornuts - The sharp edges of the hard nut slice open your mouth so that you taste slight hints of copper from your blood every bite.
- Rustea Leaves - In ancient times, scholars from distant lands made tea with these leaves, believing it to offer them some kind of divination.
- Sludgeberries - The thick syrup covering the green and teal berries makes your hands sticky.
- Sour Potatoes - The staple of many unhealthy juveniles’ diet. Its revolting taste leaves much to be desired.
- Suganma Nuts - The difficult nuts infuriate you for reasons you don’t really underst-- HEY WAIT A SECOND!!
- Party Poppepper - Filled with an explosive spice, these peppers could be used to kill someone. But, like, why would you do that?
Metallic crops:
- Aushuck - The king and queen of all crops, renowned for it's glistening, golden exterior.
- Steel Beans - *That's me in the cockpit. That's me in the nosedive, doing 9/11.*
- Metallicaps - It's hallucinogenic properties aren't yet awakened. DUDE SHROOMS LOL!!!
Milling and Crushing
!mill
ing and !crush
ing are game functions whereby you can turn your hard-earned crops into usable items. Each crop turns into 1 item for each method which can be seen bellow. These items can be used in smelting to create cosmetics, foods and dyes among other items.
- for cosmetics : 1 textile + Milled produce
- for dyes : 1 Dye Solution + Milled produce
- for food : 1 Food Base + Milled Produce
Crop | Milling | cosmetic | dye | food | Crushing |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
Aushucks | Aushuck stalks | Resplendent Coronet | Gold Paint | Molten Popcorn | Beauty Spots |
Black Limes | Black Limeade | Spiked Bracelets | black dye | Black Lime Sour | Beauty Spots |
Blood Cabbages | Blood Cabbage Leaves | Cabbage Tree Hat | Red Dye | Blood Cabbage Coleslaw | Tough Nails |
Brightshade | Brightshade Berries | Flower Crown | Cobalt Dye | Brightshade Seeds | Cool Beans |
Dankwheat | Dankwheat chaff | Pair of Circular Sunglasses | Grey Dye | Dankwheat Toast | Beauty Spots |
Dire Apples | Dire Apple Stems | Overalls | Cyan Dye | Dire Apple Juice | Cool Beans |
Joybeans | Joybean vines | Braces | Magenta Dye | Joybean Paste Mochi | Cute Buttons |
Metallicaps | Metallicap heads | Fullmetal Jacket | Copper Paint | Bad Shroomz | Tough Nails |
Pawpaws | Pawpaw flesh | Straw Hat | Green Dye | Pawpaw Food | Smart Cookies |
Phosphorpoppies | Phosphorpoppy petals | Slimecorp Pin | Lime Dye | Phosphorpoppies Muffin | Smart Cookies |
Pink Rowdishes | Pink Rowddish root | Pajama Onesie | Pink Dye | Pink Rowdatouille | Cute Buttons |
Poke-Tubers | Poketuber eyes | Captain's Hat | White Dye | Jelly-Filled Doughnut | Beauty Spots |
Pulp Gourds | Pulp Gourd pulp | Juve-O'-Lantern | Yellow Dye | Pulp Gourd Pie | Tough Nails |
Purple Killiflower | Purple Killiflower florets | Hoodie | Purple Dye | Razornut Purple Killiflower Crust Pizza | Cute Buttons |
Razornuts | Razornut shells | Cop Badge | Blue Dye | Razornut Butter | Cool Beans |
Rustea Leaves | Rustea Leaf blades | Rusty Nail | Brown Dye | Earl Brown Tea | Smart Cookies |
Sludgeberries | Sludgeberry sludge | Cosplay Horns | Teal Dye | Sludgeberry Pancakes | Smart Cookies |
Sour Potatoes | Sour Potato skins | Bowler Hat | Orange Dye | Sour Potato French Fries | Tough Nails |
Steel Beans | Steel Bean Pod | Tinfoil Hat | Chrome Paint | Chromaccino | Cool Beans |
Suganma Nuts | Suganmanut fruit | Your Favorite Hat | Rainbow Dye | Your Favorite Food | Cute Buttons |
Party Poppeppers | Dried Party Poppeppers | Party Hat | *no dye* | Stuffed Poppepper | Beauty Spots |
Shovels (in the way of Satan)
Hidden at the bottom of the page, as it deserves to be. Are you ailed? Then you must be in this for the POUDRINS. Thats right, this is what its always been about. Farming? Growing stuff? SLIME? No thankies, I was farming by a mere facsimilie of earnest. In truth, I was just sort of paddling my shovel throught the gravel and hoping to find a crystalised slime or two!
Ok. Pull out a calculator. Base odds are 50/1500. Having the mutation Lucky is *1.777 odds. Having a shovel equipped is *5 odds. Together, that is just shy of 30% of a chance of getting 1 poudrin. When you get a poudrin, there is a 33% chance of a second poudrin. Thats it.
Notable Hoes
- Hoe Biden - A hoe that has contracted the deadly Biden Virus. If found, return to Zugerujk 🥺💚
- SUPER MARIO DAT HOE - The owner of this hoe is laughing at yo mamma